I got told off today at work for wearing sneakers. Like it fucking matters if I am sneakers. All I do is sit in a room waiting for people who are too stupid to work the machines to buzz me and then I have to walk outside of my office to them to help them out. Really, it is just the new boss trying to claim some authority over me. It doesn't help that he has become such a company man since he was bumped up from his old job. I went for his old job but was rejected on the grounds that... I am not sure actually after his speech to me, something about give a fuck about my job. And quiet frankly I don't.
He wants me and two others to be teamleaders. This means more work and no more money. Fuck that I say. Actually I said do what you want with me, as I really don't give a fuck. I was planning on quitting anyway in a couple of months. It is not like I can't get another job, it is just I have not been putting my full arse into finding a real job.
I do this because I am racked by self doubt. I used to think that I was fairly smart (if unable to fucking spell). Then I spent two years looking for a job whilst stuck in my sole destorying work.
Basically, all my problems come from my own self doubt.
Take for example my lack action with the ladies. In reality, it is not that I am ugly and haven't got a fucking clue that is the problem. It is just that I don't put any effort into it. I could probably get laid a fucking lot more. Likewise, if I re-did my resume and apply for more jobs I really come tell the boss to stick it up his arse (not that I would as I don't burn bridges).